A raccoon got drunk, & violently assaulted his raccoon-wife

A pig committed an armed robbery & is still on the run

A gang of blue jays shot & killed a mockingbird with a stolen gun

Two skunks beat up a hole-less garden snake while they were high

A pony broke up with her pony-friend & he threw battery acid in her eye

A hummingbird scammed hundreds of field mice out of their life savings

A star nosed mole used a car wash as a front for kitten sex trafficking

Heifer in a 5 hour standoff with county police department

Bearded dragon caught embezzling to pay off his gambling debt

Senator Mallard caught cheating on hen with prostitutes paid with tax money

A pelican dies in fatal stabbing attack by a bloodthirsty monkey

Great white shark selling methadone- charged with possession

Chipmunk found vandalizing park, carrying a concealed weapon

11 polar bears caught in a mass drug smuggling ring…

…this after an owl orchestrated an elaborate undercover sting

A caterpillar was found with a huge amount of pupae pornography

Tiger disqualified from Serengeti Open! Used performance enhancing drugs, allegedly

A squid arrested with ties to massage parlor prostitution

Mother pigeon DUI; pulled over with chicks in her station wagon

Crow charged with sex chatting with a minor

Mountain lion sentenced- committed arson, with a prior

Raven caught on camera abusing an eel

Elephant investigated after high speed chase in stolen automobile

Celebrity hippo accused of raping several young hippos over the years

Mongoose shoots rabbit, then cuts off her ears

Sister antelopes arrested for defrauding an elderly walrus in their care

A whitetail deer pleads innocent on simple assault on a panda bear

We got some nerve.

WE