Someone recently sent me a video of a YouTube channel featuring a couple that are dating.
One is vegan, the other, non-vegan.
(I am unsure of the popularity of the channel, as I didn’t check subscriber count)
As I was watching, it became painfully obvious that the vegan was not an activist.
1. Duh, they’re dating a non-vegan.
2. The vegan mentioned egg industry cruelties in a playful, sing-song voice accompanied with a sarcastic tone & snarky smirk. Extra added emphasis.
3. The non-vegan gave a couple quick eye rolls for good measure. Take that, baby chicks in a macerator!

Is the vegan compromising their morals & ethics?
Is the vegan just a really, really super shitty activist?
Does the vegan have questionable morals?
Is the vegan a speciesist?
Is the vegan selfish?
Does the vegan hug their significant other when they’re wearing a wool sweater?
Does the vegan kiss their significant other on the lips after they apply lip balm tested on bunnies & made outta beeswax?
Is there a floss/brush after eating corpses before kisses rule?

I could go on…
I’ll state, right now, if you are, or your significant other is plant based, then I totally get that.
I don’t necessarily agree, but I can wrap my pea brain around it.
But, an ethical vegan?
By claiming that you’re an ethical vegan, I kinda assume you’re, at least, some kind of activist.
But, what kind of activist are they if they’re committed to a non-vegan?
Maybe they play the ‘choice’ card…
Maybe they’re, themselves, a pacifist.
Maybe, they’re a slacktivist.
Maybe they more comfortable if their beliefs are more appealing to others…?
I don’t get wanting to share your limited time on earth with someone who’s ethics do not align with your own.
(Family, friends excluded, I get that…Cos you ain’t all intimate and/or hump them, share your most vulnerable self with, etc…)

I wonder;
Would they be able to keep quiet about a known violent offender in their neighborhood?
…kinda like keeping quiet about hours old calves getting their infant brains smashed in with a hammer
so their significant other can chow down their goddamn cheeseburger in peace.

A vegan shows compassion to animals by not participating in their

A vegan that dates a non-vegan shows compassion to a human that participates in the
Murder of animals.

Does the vegan help the non-vegan prepare a hunk of animals corpse for a main course?
Or, does the vegan allow their mutual income to go toward the purchase of the body parts of an animal
to be consumed outside of their home? (Thusly, funding animal cruelty & death)
Is the vegan hushed about factory farming horror? (Unless delivered in a melodic tone)
Or, does the vegan hush themselves?

I recently saw a few comments on twatter that i want to add to this, as is indeed fitting.

Some folk feel that by vegans exclusively dating other vegans (those with a moral compass aligned with your own),
that ‘decreases spreading awareness’.
Ok…date a fucking non-vegan
On your 1st date night, show them some slaughterhouse footage.
In the end, when the screaming & blood splatter stops, of they still want a steak or think bacon is nummy…
they’ve got some psychopathy issues.

Then I gotta ask…
If you’re anti-hunting, would you date an avid hunter?
Would you even help clean the blood off the hood of their car after they proudly drove around with a deer carcass strapped to it?
Or, is that where the line would be drawn?

I also saw on twatter a comment about ‘forcing veganism’…
Must be an awful personal affront to have others try to convince you to have some empathy for other beings, eh?
Goddamn vegans and their goddamn truth tellin!

…say you’re dating a child sex trafficker…
Sure, the kids are abused, fucked 6 ways from Sunday, but you feel it’s your significant others ‘choice’.

Tsk, tsk. Silly Heidi.
It’s illegal, aaaaannnnnd, they’re humans.

How preposterous (& a total asshole move) of me to dare equate non-humans to humans
Ok, ok
Here we go-

Say you’re dating a dog fighter…
(Due to a loophole in the law, thanks to rodeo, its legal to attend dog fights in Montana)
Say you’re gaga for a puppy mill owner…
Say you’re head over heels for a slaughterhouse worker…
Say you’re married a matador….
Say you’re committed a vivisectionist…
Say you’re in a long term relationship with a serial cat killer…
Say you’re going steady with a professional bull rider…
Say your heart belongs to a donkey raper…
Say your significant other is a McDonalds meat supply owner…

Better now?

What if you’re a vegan, dating a non-vegan, and…
What if, in addition to the cows, turkeys, chickens, pigs, goats, (etc)
they also ate dog occasionally, or cat, or parakeets, hamsters, ferrets or goldfish?

Is there no line to be drawn as to not ‘rock zee boat’?

I understand why vegetarians mostly date corpse munchers.
When you’re vegetarian, you can go to any ol’ pizza parlor, or restaurant with the animal eating love of your life.
They order spaghetti & meatballs?
Hell, no biggie, you can both share the cheesey garlic bread.

But vegan specific-
What vegan enters a relationship with someone that thinks animals are for;

Personally, if my guy came home with a Big Mac and a bag of KFC chicken cos it was his choice…
we wouldn’t be ‘we’ any longer.

What choices of my significant others am I willing to overlook?
…the length of his sideburns
…the movies he loves
…the rocky posters adorning the bedroom wall

I would not turn a blind eye to his hypothetical blind eye. (He is vegan)

Along with participation in animal cruelty & death…
I also wouldn’t support his choice to;
Be unfaithful
Gamble away our life savings
Become a drug dealer
Become a violent offender
Beat Rommel or the pigeons

Please, share your thoughts.
I’m curious.

What are you ok with?

Vegan Abolitionist Animal activist, AntiSpeciesist, artist, poet, writer, chronic illness fighter

16 thoughts on “Compromise

    • Thank you for sharing.
      What prompted you to go vegan that did not resonate with your husband?
      If you have a post about it, I’ll look for it on your blog.
      I read your post about your Dad going eating vegan for the weekend with you.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’ve been forever in love with animals (although it took me a considerable amount of time to realise I shouldn’t eat them or their biproducts) but my husband grew up to believe having an animal in your house was dirty, that sort of thing. It’s only now that we have our rescue dog that he has learnt to connect with an animal.

        He’s gone from eating KFC to eating predominantly vegan at home (he has the odd can of tuna with a jacket potato every couple of weeks). He’s making tons of progress!

        I absolutely agree with you, I couldn’t be with someone who did not care for animals and ate them with the attitude ‘they are put on this Earth for us to eat’ but my husband has come so far and he is learning… Everyone has to learn unless they’re lucky enough to have vegan parents.

        Don’t get me wrong, I hate it! But he’s getting there… 💚

        Liked by 1 person

      • What is he learning?
        Have you allotted a time period?
        What if he never stops eating animals outside the home?
        Why would he eat beings he considers ‘dirty’?
        Sorry for so many questions. 🙃
        Just very curious.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I totally get it… I think I would find it very hard to start a relationship with a non-vegan after I had turned vegan (virtually impossible actually) so I understand the feelings of vegans in this position.

        Difference is I am married and I love him, just like I love my mum and dad who all also eat meat. To answer your questions:
        In my opinion the only reason he is not vegan is because I want him to be (I hope that makes sense…) Some people can be stubborn. He knows veganism is the right thing to do but he doesn’t want to give up yet. I’m pretty certain that with time he will go vegan.

        No I haven’t allotted a time period for him eating meat. That’s not realistic nor do I control my husband.

        If he never stops eating meat outside of the home then that is his choice. I can only control myself.

        I’ve never asked him as that would be an antagonising question. I know all I need to know about his feelings towards meat.

        Problem is we live in a society where eating animals is normalised and above all legal. We can equate the murder of animals to the murder of human beings (and I absolutely do) but unfortunately we (or I) have grown up with it and therefore as much as I don’t like it, it is acceptable in this day and age. Although we are working on changing that.

        Feel free to question more… 💚


      • Ah, still…
        Even if the mass majority supports a concept, that support doesn’t validite the concept.
        Yes, I sort of understand the family bit as you do not live with them, share space, etc.
        I suppose we differ in this respect, while we are both vegans.
        The fact that most people eat animals isn’t a justification for eating animals.
        My bottom line;
        I would not tolerate my guy killing chickens or calves, even if he felt it was his choice to kill them…even if outside our home.
        But, I also feel it is a moral obligation to spread awareness & to not excuse the behaviors of those that participate in the horror show of animals as to use objects.
        I feel allowing any ‘excuse’ does nothing more than lead to yet another atrocity to be excusable.
        Eating animals- Society majority
        Bull fighting- tradition
        Yulin dog festival- custom
        children grow up believing what their parents taught them is correct, & that’s why majority of adults follow common practices. As adults We must contemplate whether the practices we follow are moral.
        A wrong action has been propagated over generations & generations, justified purely on the basis of upbringing.
        I appreciate your time & responses.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I get it and I get your line of activism… Gosh I read your blog all the time so you know I support you.

        I’m an ‘apologist vegan’ if that’s how people want to see me… because my husband eats meat and I love my husband. However I still go to protests, I still write my blog, I still volunteer and I still go on about veganism to everyone (as much as they may hate it). As many vegans have, I’ve converted many people around me… But some vegans will see me ‘less of an activist’ or ‘less of a vegan’ because I don’t want to divorce my husband and that’s ok haha. I think I’m personally doing ok when it comes to veganism.

        Also… I have the kids thing covered. My husband agrees they will be vegan (this is how I know he’ll be vegan one day lol). 💚

        Liked by 1 person

      • Good to hear you’ve moved people, & continue to.
        I suppose, yes, Ahahah
        You remain apologetic vegan, I’ll remain unapologetic…
        We make a good team 😃
        I cannot imagine if, throughout history, there hadn’t been ‘unapologetic’ folk…what might society be like today?
        Ya know….if, the worst atrocities had never been questioned.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’ve thought a lot about our convo last night & continue to this morning.
        I read a bit about apologists.
        I don’t see you as an apologist vegan, personally.
        I am unsure if there is an actual label…seems everything has a label…
        I kinda feel it is more a nepotism…like, nepotistic vegan.
        I mean, your guy eats animals and you feel it’s his choice.
        You go to protests & confront others about their choice.
        So, it conveys far less apologetic & more nepotistic.
        I am appreciative of your time & our convo, as it seems to have inspired a new poem in the works. 😃

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ah maybe I have given the wrong impression… The way I interact with my husband with regards to veganism/animals is the same way I interact with everyone else. I educate and I try to show understanding of how they feel… They tend to respond pretty well and it also changes their ideas of veganism (judgemental, pushy, blah blah blah – no one likes getting told they are doing something wrong lol).

        So yea, I go to protests and I talk to people about veganism… My protests are super peaceful and allow people to come to me (for instance I’m going to leaflet outside of Subway on Saturday and I’m going to do it with a big smile 😀). Also I talk about veganism as soon as someone asks about it… And we know that is a lot of the time haha!

        Glad I could be of some use to you though 💚

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I went vegan first, then my wife of 46 years soon followed about a month later. So, I’m not in the dating game. But if I were, the very first absolute requirement would be that she (or he if I so desired, I don’t but if I did) was a vegan. An ethical vegan. Not a celebrity following bullshit vegan. Or someone on a diet fad. But someone who went vegan for one reason, our fellow earthlings.

    Great post.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Being 35 stone, sweaty, and malodorous, I don’t date much, but it’s something I’d consider a given were I to find a morbidly obese dame – i.e. if you’re sitting around gorging on meat and have no consideration for the wider world, it’s a problem. Same goes for recycling. Recycle, biatch!

    Liked by 2 people

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